The beautiful heaviness of our senses

Does feeling unconditional love + taking in senses (hearing, tasting, smelling, touching, etc = a beautiful bridge to achieving happiness in adulthood?

As I was unpacking boxes today, I came across some dishes that were passed down to me from my grandmother who passed away when I was in eleventh grade. These dishes were used almost every holiday and I can distinctly remember the smell of the dishwashing liquid as she’d fill the sink to wash them after a meal. I can also remember her warm smiling face when we’d come over to the sink to see what she was doing.

My grandmother had the most unconditional love for my dad and my sisters. When we’d walk into a room, there was always this look on her face that she knew something that we didn’t. A most magnificent smile that landed somewhere between blissful and reflective.

This inevitably passed down to my dad as I noticed he’d look at me the same way. No words needed, just a look that seemed to say, “Everything I’ve experienced so far today has led me to seeing you.”

When I think of memories with my dad, it’s not the dish-soap but the music that takes me back.

I still can remember listening to his 45’s of Elvis and Frank Sinatra in our living room, or driving in his 1983 Buick and listening to the Eagles. These memories seem more vivid in the summer since the windows would be down, and I can feel the sun on my face and the breeze, though warm, would make my eyes squint over the horizon and just reflect.

So many senses to take in.

Fast forward to 30 years later and that look of paternal love never changed. All the way up until the very last time I saw him.

So let me get this straight…..
Feeling unconditional love+ taking in senses (hearing, tasting, smelling, touching, etc = a beautiful bridge to achieving happiness in adulthood?

Well I can tell you this…it’s been music that’s gotten me through some of the hardest times of my life, so there’s that. It’s also not a coincidence that when you smell a familiar smell that lights you up, or the sand at your feet that makes you burst into happy tears, or when someone of the older generation makes an old recipe that’s been passed down to them fills you with an emotion you can’t describe. Is it just that it tastes that good or is there something more? I believe we’re taking in the loving experiences of generations passed and it’s our senses that are waking us up to it.

Psychologist, Dr Rick Hanson, PhD says our brains are like teflon for positive experiences (they fly right off of us and no one should still be using teflon), and velcro for negative experiences (ugh…they stay with us). This means it takes a lot of positive to cancel out the negative. But if we can tap into our senses more regularly, then we can learn to connect these feelings of love and connection to the hippocampus which is the part of the brain that stores memories. We just have to take the time to tap in and feel it. And we can help our kids get a head start by helping to build these memories in the first place.

Enter the car rides of 2026.

Now that we are back living in PA, we drive through the mountains and down to the valley where my family lives on an almost daily basis. Being it’s about a 25 min drive, I snap in my USB port and we shuffle hundreds of songs depending on the theme of the night.

No one talks.

They listen and reflect as I once did. It’s awesome and kind of crazy in the best way.

Is it because they just like the tune? Are they grasping the lyrics?

My old therapist George would say they may be picking up a more calming energy from me than when I’m at home doing a million things.

As someone who defaults to a more anxiety-ridden state of mind, those moments are most regulating for me. Nowhere to be and nothing to do but drive and inhale snippets of time when things were simpler. To times when I was the object of those beautiful glances from my dad and grandmother, with no cares aside from squinting over the mountains and taking in present moment.

Our children and our animals are such great teachers of this. That’s why time goes so much slower for them while it flies for us. And because these memories are taken in so deeply as kids, they can serve as the most potent-little-happy-drugs that can help buffer the negative experiences that will inevitably come our way.

So now I’m hoping my kids remember these old beautiful songs, the amazing smell of homemade spaghetti sauce on a Sunday, the beautiful sunrises and sunsets outside our new house, the softness of their EMF-protecting silver throw blankets ;) (you get the picture) and learn to associate all those things with the unconditional love and innocence they deserve to experience during these years.

With that, I give you permission today to pause. Turn on the song, feel the wind at your hair…smell your version of the dish soap. And think back to a time you felt unconditional love. Then when you feel shut down, tap into that feeling and allow it to transfer to your children, your siblings, your pets. That beautiful heaviness that envelopes your soul is one we all can experience, if we just take a moment to do so.